behind the hart

this is where i am these days

2011-04-17T11:42:00.002-05:00

http://www.retailis4thebirds.blogspot.com/

Stop by!!

Vague yet directed

2011-02-09T14:42:00.001-06:00

I'm the worst blogger.....but trust me I have sat down numerous times to start a post and i come up with....nadda, zip, zero, zilch. Yet, there has been an abundance of things going on in my mind. So much so that I can't shut my mind off at night and so much so that I have lost almost 10 pounds in the last 4 days. Yea...I'm a tiny girl to begin with...those pounds aren't good to loose. I now weigh less than I did before we got married....yikes. Cheeseburgers here I come!

I wish I had a better way with words. I wish I could even put into words the things that have been racing through my mind and heart and soul. Yet maybe, its best I don't. Maybe I should just focus on the outcome of all those thoughts.

At the center of it all is God. His loving warm embrace that never fails to amaze me. The fact that no matter how bleak a situation may feel, when we lay everything at the alter, He takes it and makes it new. So i am going to take this newness and run with it. Slowly of course but with still embracing it with the faith to move that mountain. Taking it day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I am going to wake up every day with a positive outlook and an open mind to hear and see what He wants for my life that day. Its taken me a long time to finally BELIEVE what I have been hearing is the TRUTH. I allow myself to be sucked into the negative of the untruth. But no more. No more lies will be allowed into my life. It will be a daily laying down. A daily "death" if you will and a daily new life that brings me hope. Hope that the day will bring much deserved happiness for me and my family.

A lot of rambling and vague talk, but details aren't important. What's past is past and I am thinking of today and today only. I am thankful for the ongoing journey and where He may take us next. The saying is true, but time does heal all wounds....if we allow Him to be in control of that time.

I hope your days are good and your future is unexpected!

Where's the CHRIST in Christmas?

2010-12-19T00:16:00.001-06:00

I'm gonna be pretty honest here. It's not every day that I am honest....wait. just kidding! But seriously...this has been weighing on me lately and I don't know what to do about it.

Since last year, I have been wondering something. Where has the Christ in CHRISTmas gone? I mean as the saying goes, "Jesus is the reason for the season" but honestly, I don't see that attitude out there in the world. I see the "gimme gimme gimme" attitudes of people and the "look how much I can afford (or not afford for most) for christmas this year." Then there's Santa. Albeit a fun holiday tradition that either elicits sheer terror as captured by many a camera or allows children to think there are little flying deer flying around dropping a 250 pound man down chimneys. I am ALL for imagination. I LOVE creating fun worlds with K and exploring those worlds with her. Yet, somehow, I find it rather hard to play into this character while the "reason for the season" has nothing whatsoever to do with a man in a red suit carrying presents for us all to open and discard so easily.

I know I may sound like a scrooge but for some reason this year has been different. I go out into public, and everywhere I go, I get rude people angrily driving around like their house is on fire and they have to get there like two minutes ago. When walking around stores I find rude employees who won't even look you in the eye and even more hurried, stressed, non friendly eyed people hastily shopping for that "perfect" gift. Since when did Jesus need a Nintendo DS? I mean really? Aren't we supposed to be celebrating HIS birth and what that means?

HE has already given me the absolute most amazing gift I could ever ask for. The giving of massive amounts of gifts on what may or may not truly be His birthday just seems so trivial to me these days. This season should be one of happiness, joy, and humble celebration for the amazing person that we get to love and worship on a daily basis. I think the question we should be asking is, what gift does HE want? What does Christ want from us because quite frankly, there is nothing I can ever do to repay His amazing gift of life and going into debt buying things for other people isn't a step in the right direction.

I'm just not sure spending hundreds of dollars on mindless gifts and feeling guilty for spending too much is a proper way for us to be celebrating His birthday. And honestly, I'm not sure what we ARE supposed to be doing.

But, that's just my little opinion.

blog funk

2010-12-12T16:52:00.001-06:00

I have opened my blogger several times this past week and just stared at it. I don't really have much to say and what i have to say most likely can't be written on here.....these intranets have eyes! hahaha! sorry.

what's been going on?? well, ive been busy trying to drum up some photo business all the while keeping my house clean for showings, studying for finals next week, homeschooling katelyn, shopping for christmas, getting a workout in, and packing for our january move. I think I need to start taking speed so I don't need sleep. that way i can get loads done! haha!
I'm just boring and blah today.

contemplative

2010-12-06T23:25:00.000-06:00

I'm currently composing a tell all about a friendship that went south this past september. it sucks when any relationship ends. this one in particular bothers me a lot. i was accused of a lot and chose not to confront her because in doing so, i would have had to stoop to her level. i chose not to.

it just makes me think.

as I continue to clean out my house, i think sometimes God does the same with our lives. He takes the clutter out as well as those that bring the clutter. I'm thankful for that removal.

yet, why do i keep thinking about it? on a daily basis I think about this situation. the way things ended, the way she accused me of things that she wouldn't go into detail on (all via email), the way she treated me (the matron of honor in her wedding) during the wedding, the way she noticed my different behavior over the last few years but never bothered to ask me about it. had she bothered, she would have known that my marriage was crumbling, i was devastated at the loss of 4 pregnancies, and all the other details that she never really cared to ask about.

i guess that's what bothers me the most. the fact that had we really even been that good of friends, she would have asked me if everything was ok instead of judging me for my irregular behavior.

let this be a lesson to me. if something seems different, there's usually a reason.

and, those that love you and truly know you, will be there through thick and thin. not notice things then secretly ridicule you for those things that they have no clue as to the reason for their existence.

I'm more than thankful for my faithful God given friends. Those are the ones that have lasted through the cleanout.

I'm off to bed....govt test tomorrow and lots of cleaning around here afterwards. our realtor comes on wednesday to take some photos.

thanks for stoppin by!

okay okay...more mindless blogs...just cause

2010-12-04T00:30:00.000-06:00

Four jobs I have had in my life:

Babysitter/nanny
Medical records tech
Victoria's secret sales associate
MOM

Four movies I would watch over and over:

Pride & Prejudice
13 Going on 30
Princess Bride
Dumb and Dumber

Four places I have lived:

Arlington Texas
San Antonio Texas
Great Falls Montana
Mansfield Texas

Four TV Shows that I watch: (Currently)

Private Practice
Grey's Anatomy
One Tree Hill
How's it Made
Four places I have been:

In 4 states all at once!
Washington DC
Mexico...and not the pretty part
Fargo ND

Four People who e-mail me (regularly)

My mom
Facebook notifications
yahoo homeschooling group notifications
....and ummmm noone else. sad and pathetic

Four of my favorite foods:

bread & butter
bread and butter
baked sweet potatos with lots of butter
pizzza (i'm really a healthy eater....REALLY!!!)

Four places I would rather be right now:

outta this house and in my new place
sitting next to Chris
laying in my bed
out of debt

Four things I am looking forward to in the next year:

Exploring my new town with Katelyn
going on a vacation with just my man...its never happened in our 8 years of marriage.
swimming in our awesome pool at our new apartment complex!!
maybe training with a new friend for a triathelon

Four top books I've read the past year:

I don't remember any of them....
well if you count all the kids books I've read...

Four favorite songs:

Secrets by OneRepublic
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles
Let the Drummer Kick by Citizen Cope
Regret by Glow

Four things you like about yourself:
(This otta be good cause I'm pretty hard on myself)

I'm loyal (to a fault my mother always says)
A good cook ("The bestest cooker i've ever had!!!"-Katelyn)
ummmmm i have a six pack. :) like for real. :) and i like that.
......that's all i can think of right now.....

OKAY!! I need to get to bed...I'm headed to the gym early in the am cause its the only time I will be able to get a workout in tomorrow. I'm excited just not about the hour....I workout best in the evening. But, I'll be there and will be doing something rather than nothing at home!

Hope all is well in your world! Thanks for stoppin by!

just cause....

2010-12-02T11:56:00.000-06:00

I'm sittin here wasting time....got my best friend's baby asleep in the other room, my girl is helpin her daddy clean out the closet and well, i just wanted to sit for a few minutes...so, viola! enjoy my randomness.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? nope
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? tuesday....everything was weighin me down.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? depends on the pen i am using. but overall, yes.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? turkey or turkey pastrami
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 1 amazing daughter....who often feels like more than one kid!
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? on my non pmsing days....sure!
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? I don't even know the meaning of the word.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yup
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? depends....on how brave i was feeling at the time. i. hate. heights.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? being gluten free....honey nut chex
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? not unless i can't get them off without it.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? getting there physically and emotionally i'm a battle hardened soldier....so yes emotionally. ha
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? blue bell pistachio almond!! my dad and i could share a whole half gallon!
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? whether or not they smile and make eye contact.
15. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my acne...at almost 32 you'd think it wouldn't still be around. alas....its worse than when i was in junior high. also, i don't like how easily i get annoyed with certain things. my goal is to let things be like water off a ducks back.
16. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? right now, my brother and his family. in a couple of months....everyone.
17. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? my fav pair of jeans that are tissue thin and my new nike grey/pink awesomeness
18. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? scrambled eggs with onions and tomoatos...yum!
19. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? papers rustling around in the other room. c and k are cleaning out his closet.
20. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? aqua. just cause....
21. FAVORITE SMELLS? clean laundry, anything baking, and my hub after he has showered.
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Our realtor.
23. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? volleybal followed by a close footballl then hockey then track and i like swimming and gymnastics and oh yea...basketball. i enjoy sports. :)
24. HAIR COLOR? ummmmm well, i was dark brown, then got highlights now those highlights are growing out. so, lots of shades.
25. EYE COLOR? light honey colored brown.
26. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? yup.
27. FAVORITE FOOD? bread and butter. i could eat it all day long. too bad gluten free bread is nasty and butter is dairy. of which, i can't eat.
28. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? im leaning towards happy endings theses days. i hear enough scary crap from being acop's wife that the sappy happy endings that are so not reality are very appealing.
29. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Jim Carrey's Grinch movie.
30. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? heather grey...my fav
31. SUMMER OR WINTER? summer because i love to swim and be tan...winter bc i LOVE sleeping when its freezing and i love winter clothes.
32. HUGS OR KISSES? hugs....big warm cozy squeezes.
33. FAVORITE DESSERT? too many to choose from. i like dessert.
34. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Horizon's homeschooling parent guide.
35. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don't have one....its a lap top.
36. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? how its made.
37. FAVORITE SOUND? baby laughter, music that moves me, and the door opening in the morning telling me that my love is home safe and sound.
38. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? ..........
39. WHAT IS THE FURTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Helena Montana
40. HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? Predicting the future...seriously....its creepy.
41. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Dallas Texas...raised in Arlington.

Feel free to copy it and post on your blog! I'd love reading them.

thanks for stoppin by!

cleaning out

2010-12-01T22:48:00.000-06:00

two days ago we started cleaning out our house. sorting through all the cabinets in the kitchen, the junk drawers in the entertainment center and well, that's about as far as we've gotten. but BOY have we gotten rid of a ton of junk! I'm finding this cleanse very therapeutic. like i said in an earlier post, things around here are changing. almost 8 years of collecting things that don't matter and holding on to things that at the time gave us comfort. well, these things are no longer needed. right now, all we need is a fresh start. a start that allows us to be as free and clear as we need to be with reminders of yesteryears gone.

therapy.

yes. its been like therapy for me. cleaning out the few drawers and cabinets that i have so far has spurred many memories that i had not thought about in years....it has made me throw stuff away that had i not gotten to the place in my life that these last almost 8 years have gotten me to, i would have still shoved that thing back into that drawer only to continue to clutter things. clutter......that's how i have felt about my life. i loathe clutter. i loathe disorganization. its breeds choas and confusion and that has no place in my life right now. i want to organize and minimize. i'm afraid that during all this organizationfest, the container store will love me so much they keep the store open once a week just for me. :-) but that's comforting to me right now. i'm excited about cleaning out things because in the process, i feel like i'm cleaning out my life and that's a great feeling.

and because of this, i made a huge decision today. i took my pregnancy bible (yes its called that), my baby name book, and my what to expect during the first year book and put it in the garage sale pile. along with, all my maternity clothes. i didn't cry. i didn't really dwell. just decided that you know what, its time to move on. After years of not using birth control and spending way too much money and tears on negative pregnancy tests, i HAVE decided to move on. i've decided that its time to quit holding on to the past life that i've tried so hard to hold on to. honestly, it was a life i longed for that never came to fruition. nonetheless, as long as i hold on to that life, God can't move me into THIS life. the life He's been pruning me, us for. THIS life is just beginning and the past is just that....past.

so no tears. no sorrow.

just, happy.

now on to more cleaning out....thanks for stoppin by!

pix

2010-11-26T20:40:00.000-06:00

Let's try this again..... here are a few from yesterday. Not too many but still a glimpse of our crazy evening.

His very first turkey carving!!

Our very first Thanksgiving table.

Well, we can't ever be serious...

My nose looks about as big as my head...lovely

My little bros Ben and Dee playin the Kinects!

Little Luke came to the party too.

Sisily and Pops.

More Kinects!

Littlest bro and littlest sis.

HAHAHA!! K warming her toosh.

Thanksgiving

2010-11-26T18:23:00.001-06:00

Yesterday was a fantastic day. We have so much to be thankful for these days that it was overflowing yesterday as my family came over for the holiday. It was our first time hosting a large meal and we both think it was a great success. Everyone got enough food, we all had fun, the fire was roaring, and Chris loved having a normal family get together. I was thankful he enjoyed himself so much. It was great seeing him so happy for the first time in a very long time. It was a bittersweet happiness but happy nontheless.

This morning we headed over to one of my best friend's new and beautiful homes for an after thanksgiving brunch. It was yummy!

We did brave the black friday world this afternoon. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but then again I wasn't out at the booty crack of the am hours. And, we only needed to get a watch band for Chris so we weren't weeding through the toys trying to find the leapster somethingorother. :)

Right now I'm hangin on the couch surfing websites about nothing because apparently all this gluten I've been eating is not agreeing with my stomach or intestines. I've got tons of things to and I feel like throwing up....lovely. Good food comes at a price for me. Hip to the hooray.

Well, I am trying to upload some thanksgiving pics but the uploader isn't letting me. dumb.

hmmmmm

2010-11-20T13:11:00.001-06:00

I want to start a fun blog post. in this post i want to do something fun. like susie who is posting a daily shoe challenge. There is also the 10 on Tuesday. There's a photo a day postings. But I want to do someting original.

Coming up with this idea is not as easy as I thought.

I thought, "silly saturday" where i post something fun/silly for viewing pleasure. dumb

Then i thought i'd take a picture, crop it and have people guess what the picture is. But with no prize or no reward for your guesses, who's gonna come back and guess all the time?

So, for now, I am brainstorming and accepting ideas for a fun new creative way to blog that is original.

enjoy your saturday! I am doing laundry and playing spiderman with my 5 year old daughter. yup. she's awesome!

trying

2010-11-19T16:53:00.001-06:00

i'm trying to be better at blogging. however i'm not really sure why. I have about 3 people that i know follow this and comment but really, who cares? I've got nothing profound to say and even if i did, i think that i wouldn't be able to say it as eloquently as i may want to. so, for you 3 faithful followers, here's what's on my mind...

....i'm really tired today. i have a problem of forgetting to eat....and when you work out every single day, the day after you workout AND forget to eat, you're kinda tired. So, I'm takin a break from the gym today. tomorrow will be kick booty though!

....i'm really proud of my husband. like so proud i can't stand it. i'm amazed at how much he has endured over his lifetime and still has the attitude and outlook on life and people that he does. he should be a rebellious man who is still sowing his wild oats and cussing everyone out who he meets that doesn't think like him. but, he doesn't. he remains calm, collected and simply amazing every single day. in love!!

....my heart still longs to be pregnant. after 4 losses and no real reason for me to not be pregnant, my body is craving the feeling pregnancy brings. the little feet pushing my ribs, the hiccups that keep you awake, the heartbeat on the monitor and all those quirky pregnancy feelings that a lot of moms complain about. i guess you don't realize what you have when you have it easily. so for now, if you are pregnant, please don't complain to me about all those symptoms. tomorrow maybe. just not today. i'd kill to have those "problems" today.

....katelyn is SOARING through her lessons and soaking up sooooo much information in our little homeschool. even outside of school. i am completely amazed at how fast she is learning all this information! she is sounding out words on her own and spelling them; she is reading sentences, writing addition problems and simply yearning for more. God told us to pull her out of public school and boy he wasn't kidding! He knew she needed the one on one time to gain her confidence and have a little bit of pride her abilities. I'm so proud of her.

....lyme disease will always be a part of my life. And honestly, I am thankful for it. It was a terrible almost three years of pain, depression, anger, marital issues, bad parenting and just feeling like i was a no good person. But through all that, I gained so much knowledge, grew in the Lord, have been able to help others and have a new respect for the human body. as much as i hate that stupid bacteria, I am thankful for the experience that it gave me and all the lessons I learned in the process.

.....and now i'm off to clean my bathroom. exciting. i know. don't be too jealous.

thanks for stopping by!

bittersweet

2010-11-17T10:39:00.000-06:00

Today I am happy yet with a heavy heart. Is that really possible....yes it is. You see, things change. They change all the time. This change has been almost 8 years in the making and its been an incredibly hard road to endure. But we've endured it. And today, we are happy. Maybe truly for the first time. That demon is gone and that demon will never be seen again. Growth, perseverance, endurance and lots and LOTS of prayer have brought us to where we are today. This day. This day that we are happy. This day that makes the rest all seem like a distant memory.

But the happiness is not without its change as well. Change that is a necessary step for healing and growth beyond our comprehension as we embark on this free road. With this change, hearts are broken, lives are forever different and family is lost.

My prayer for this day is that somewhere in the very near future, lives will be healed and families be brought back together because this is what HE wants. HE will have to do all this and I look forward to following this new path HE has laid before us.

Because YOU are worth it. Becuase YOU heal all wounds and YOU are amazing God.

A terrible web cam picture of my wet hair, katelyn's chocolate face and chris's red crusty "cold" nose. But we ARE happy.

Praise God.

To fill in the gap

2010-11-10T09:49:00.000-06:00

Its been FOREVER since I've posted but this should be about what you should expect from me at this point. I love to journal and all that jazz but I just am not too good at the computer journaling...pen an dpaper is my preferred method of journaling. But, instead of trying to write the novel of all that has happened in the last few months, I stole this from my friend Susie on her blog. It just seemed fun!

enjoying: a toffee mocha from Starbucks

watching: Katelyn coloring in her new coloring book

eating: nothing

feeling: at peace

looking forward to: our future

wearing: tank top, jeans, and glasses

needing: my water running so i can take a shower, do the dishes, and go potty

wanting: to have enough money to do the things I want to do for all those that I love

missing: running water

Laughing: at Chris's frustration over a game of SOLITAIRE

working on: editing photos, folding the MOUNDS of laundry I have and planning the first Thanksgiving at my house

cooking: nothing. you need water for just about everything and I have none.

craving: the gym. weird i know....but the gym

grateful: for my Heavenly Father and His enduring faithfulness even when I doubt.

smiling: at my life. the pieces are starting to fall into place and I can't wait for what's next.

Well, I'm off to go find a bathroom. Ha! Don't eve take your toilets for grantid....cause we don't have the use of ours right now and its a chore just to go potty.

Have a great Wednesday and HAPPY BIRTHDAY RIAN!!! Hope your day is fabulous and I can't wait to see you hopefully next week!!

Picture update!

2010-07-12T00:14:00.000-05:00

Well, I haven't uploaded any pictures in like FOREVER! So, i think i will now. Bare with me...

Here is my girl on her last day of preschool and at her graduation. I cried. I'm not ashamed to admit it. She is getting so grown up....I just can't believe she starts kindergarten in like 6 weeks.

Next up we have K's first visit to a beach! She had a BLAST!! I didn't get a whole lot of pictures of her doing this, but her favorite thing to do was search for sea shells. And boy did she find them!

The first moment she stepped into the water....I love her expression. :o) What a cutie!

Toes in the sand!!

I love this picture of K and I....its bright but I just love it! :o)

Here are so random shots of us. K got her face painted at Fry's of all places. She was an exotic Cat. Shocked....I think not! She did NOT want to wash this off that night.

THese last ones were taken by the princess herself! She grabbed the camera and went crazy one day. I loved the results!

Well, that's all I got right now...I'm headed to do some pilates!

Fast times at the "S" household

2010-07-07T05:12:00.000-05:00

WOW! I am great at this bloggin bit! I can't sleep so I guess updating this blog is as good as anything to do!

I guess you could say that me sharing my random thoughts and ideas and feelings to the masses on the internet (of which 3 of you actually read and care!) has been kinda low on my priority list these days.

What HAS been on my list of things to do???

Here goes...

-School ending for both K and I. 3.0 isn't bad my first semester back after 10 years!
-Week long trip to Houston to visist the FIL and SMIL. Great trip! K saw the beach for the very first time! (Pix to soon follow)
-K and I did VBS one week which started me thinking about a possible change of major and career.
-Which, I did end up doing!
-I have been accepted to and plan on attending UTA in the spring and will graduate with a degree in Interdisciplinary studies going on to teach 4-8th graders! Crazy but true. I will be a teacher! God is good and quite funny at times!
-We had our carpets cleaned and in the process decided to switch K's room, paint all the walls in the house, rearrange our ENTIRE house and weed out junk in the process. It's been almost 2 weeks since we started this project and I'm pretty sure we have quite a ways to go til we are done. But, its been an awesome process and quite freeing. Our room is the best its ever been, K has a room that she LOVEs with a bunk bed and PINK everywhere! We are finally embracing this thing called decorating....and I'm a happy camper!
-Sweet friend J's bachelorette party a couple of weekends ago. (Again-pix to follow) Sooo much fun!
-FIL and SMIL came for a week long visit that ended monday morning. We had a blast and K got to spend the night in their motorhome. She had a BLAST and I got to spend the night hangin with C at work all night. SUPER tired the next day but it was sooo worth it. I love getting to see him on the job and hang out with his buddies.
-This week I am busy preparing for Long time BFF's long awaited bridal shower here at my house. She has waited 13 years for this guy to propose and he FINALLY did. So, she deserves this showering!

That's what I have been up to....and it doesn't stop there.

I tell you what...being Matron of honor in 2 weddings and a bridesmaid in a third has been a ride. Back to back to back weddings is CRAZY!! One is time consuming enough...I'm in 3. BFFx2 and my sister. All equally important. I will say this...I have gotten to buy some pretty awesome dresses for all the showers and festivities! Oh and heels to match! I'm beyond excited about that for sure!

I think I am going to attempt this sleep thing again....its 5 am and K will be up soon. Wish me luck!
What's been happenin in your world these days?!!

randomness

2010-03-20T22:49:00.000-05:00

i'm tyoing this blogpost because i don't want to do my chemistry homework. I just DON'T! I have very much enjoyed my time away from school work. Although I do enjoy school, its nice to not have to study. But alas, tuesday doth approach and I fear I must get back to reality. My GPA is depending on me!

And so, instead of reading my chapter 7 about solutes and and solutions, electrolytes and the like, I sit and watch the Hallmark channel while surfing facebook and writing this blog. I'll get to it eventually but for now, I am still enjoying my spring break. ....did i just admit to watching Hallmark? Ahh well...it is what it is!

A lot has happened since last updated on here.

Katelyn turned 5. Yes its true....children DO get older and they DO grow up and she WILL one day leave. Depression has truly set in in that regard. It just makes me a bit sad. For sooo many reasons actually. I have gotten used to having my little hang out buddy with me 24/7. Grantid she is in school 3 days a week this year but still...she's with me ALL THE TIME! At times I could use a break but for the most part, I kind alike havin this little person to talk to all the time, to play with, to be silly with and to have with me. She is fun, energentic, loving, silly, caring, beautiful and just a downright cool kid. I'm gonna miss her soooooo much come August 23rd.

Enough of that.....I don't want to cry.

I turned 31. Yup...no big deal. 30 was awesome. I was soooo excited to turn 30 and leave all that crap behind me. 31....ehhh. No biggie. Just another day actually. HOWEVER!! We did celebrate our 7th anniversary on that day as well! Hard to believe but its true. We have endured a LOT during our 7 years. A LOT. I am not complaining by any means...rejoicing actually. Those trials and tribulations have gotten us to where we are today and I am so thankful for them. I continue to see the grace of God in all that we do and go through together and I can't help but be excited for what He is doing today. It will be a rocky road still but once things mellow out and we both see the amazing work of God in in all, it will be wonderful. God is faithful and all I can do is continue to pray that He will be the guiding force for our marriage. 7 years is simply a drop in the bucket for the life we will share together. Makes me happy to think about!

Well, I think I have wasted enough time on here....I think I will start doing my chem homework. Whaddya think??!!

Thanks for stoppin by!

Manic Mondays

2010-03-01T13:21:00.000-06:00

-My best friends sip-n-see went well yesterday. I struggle with wanting to do it ALL and have soooo much to give, but we just couldn't do that this time. Having a budget allows for not much wiggle room.

-I dropped my govt class. It was significantly kicking my butt and making me feel like I was retarded all the while. So...in light of me finding out I do NOT need this class for a nursing degree and that it will NOT affect my scholarship, I dropped that class as fast as you can say FREEDOM!

-The laundry in my house is at an all time high. Seriously...I can't remember the last time its been this bad. Spring break will be my catch up WEEK for all that stuff. Being in school AND a stay at home mom is hard. I don't know how moms who work AND go to school do it. I'd just about need to be on speed to get anything done!

-Prayer works right...?

-Katelyn turns 5 on saturday. 5. I'm kinda in shock about it all to be quite honest. I can't believe that come September she will be enrolled in kindergarten and I won't see her during the day anymore.

-Being a police officer's wife still has its adjustments....and some days, I long for 9-5.

-I think I am addicted to Dr. Pepper. And I'm not ashamed.

-I will turn 31 in a week...and on that very day we will celebrate our 7 year anniversary. 7...never thought it possible! ha! What's this about a 7 year itch?? I've heard it before and want more info...

and now for an oldie...K and her friend J on the hammock! My little girl is not so little any more...

---Off to do the thousands of loads of laundry WHILE fitting in some study time....back to reality.

Thanks for stoppin by!

my-ness

2010-02-15T01:10:00.002-06:00

my life seems to be a giant series of breaks these days. where katelyn just seems to want "snacks" all the time, i need "breaks" all the time. just don't seem to be getting them.

my life seems to be increasingly choatic these days and i can't seem to get a break from all the busyness.

my house is getting lost in piles and piles of laundry that can't seem to make it either into the washer/dryer or into the appropriate spot of residence.

my homework is kickin this 30 year old booty as well. i know it will get easier but juggling this mom-hood with a husband's crazy schedule and all the studying i have been doing...i've just not quite adjusted yet.

my stress level is at an all time high...my acne is proof.

my husband's familial issues seem to be compounding every day...there is a bit of a reprieve in certain areas but 2 out of 3 are still at odds. I'm just not sure how to help, if i even can any more.

my husband and i are about to celebrate our 7th anniversary in early march. where some are worried about the "seven year itch", i am hopeful for a new beginning with us. lucky seven as it were. it's been rocky to say the least and i am prayerful for restoration and a new found renewal of our once ever so powerful burning-yearning love. i desperately need that passion back. it has been long since squelched by multiple loss, job change galore, too many moves in 6 years, family issues upon family issues, money problems brought on by not only ourselves but most of the above mentioned things and an overall laissez faire attitude towards "us". we need to start making more of an effort for quality time with each other. outside of all the stress and drama we encounter each day. we need to go on a honeymoon for the first time EVER. we tend to think about and act for others before we take care of one other and that needs to change. don't get me wrong, he is so much the love of my life, my soul mate, my other half. i am not myself without him and i can't imagine my life without him. he is an amazing father and a wonderful provider. i am so in love with him its crazy. just somewhere in all the mess of what has been our life, we lost "us" and how to be just that.

my daughter is trying my every bit of patience......i guess this stressed out thing is quite a cause as well. i'm just not the best at handling the constant arguing nature she exhibits, the whiney behavior when she doesn't get her way and her constant need to talk my ear off. yet she'll still melt my heart with her sweetness. ahh the ups and downs of motherhood with one ever so simliar to myself.

my emotions are all kinds of out of wack. i am angry one minute, crying at a COMMERCIAL the next and sitting emotionless 2 seconds later. it's quite QUITE annoying.

with all the "my's", i found some peace this evening. it came out of nowhere and came as a surge of hope. the result....
....asimplelittlebox.
a box to place all my stressors and worries of the day in. a box that symbolizes the alter of my heavenly Father. oh how i long to be able to simply lay it all there for Him to take and heal for me. for Him to carry for me. maybe i don't quite know how to do all that or even at times feel like i deserve that from Him.

but this box will hold all my worries and i won't look back. every day i will write them down, file them away, and go about my day. this seems to be the only way i will survive this mess of stress we've got goin on around here.

thank You Lord for the small grace you have shown. for turning the "my" into YOU! for the small amount of peace You have given me during this time.

i am so undeserving of it....

and sooo

2010-01-23T01:24:00.000-06:00

....there is so much going on in my head right now that I fear what will happen if I start writing. I am not even sure it will make sense to anyone when written down for others to read. I just need to head to bed and let my dreams interupt my melancoly-ness.

let's just say that once in a blue moon I get "blue" over the simple yet oh so complex fact that I have 4 babies in heaven, 1 here with me and a future that is still so unclear.

off to bed.............or else pity will start to happen and I refuse to allow that negativity to set in.

and today...

2010-01-18T15:06:00.000-06:00

is the last day of "freedom" that I have before.....

...i spend the next 3.5 years behind this desk studying. I have about a year before I will Lord willing get accepted into nursing school then a semester or 2 to finish the prereqs for that. Then 2 solid full time years of nursing school!

It's my newest endeavor and one that I am praying will get me closer to where He wants me.

I'm truly excited and a little (ok maybe a lot) nervous to be going back into school. It's been over 7 years since I set foot in a classroom and I was 23 at the time. Oh how this time will be soooo different!

But here is the desk when we first got it. Ugly handles and all. The little project was so fun!

thanks for stoppin by...and if I don't update for a long long while...its because I am sitting at my desk, studying!

weird wednesday

2010-01-13T18:00:00.001-06:00

Today has been a weird day....and so, in continuing with the weirdness, I shall write random things.
1) I didn't win the bag. Lame.
2) I start school next tuesday!!! YIKES! I am getting nervous but oh so excited its annoying. Seriously. I think I'm annoying every one around me with my excitement. I think I need to stop writing about it right now due to my enthusiasm right now.....
3) How do you involve yourself but not to the point of annoying? And when does one cross the line to narcacism?
4) God works (as the clique saying goes) in mysterious ways and at times I am baffled at what in the world He is doing.
5) How can a person be a friend to someone who doesn't know what that means?
6) I need advice on how to wake up earlier when I am soooo used to sleeping in. I haven't had quiet time in too long to want to admit to and that needs to change. Like NOW
7) I am starting a book club that i am totally excited about.
8) My semester includes but is not limited to...planning 3 parties including a 5 year old bday party, a Sip-n-see for my bestie and a coming home party for my one of my other friends. OH and did I mention that happens in a one week time frame? I also am involved in the planning of my sister's wedding scheduled for early August. Matron of honor sounds so OLD! Also, being involved in my other bestie's wedding and all that that entails being a bridesmaid adds more to the days. I'm super excited about it all....but looking at it like that is a bit daunting.
9) Would you do something if it meant for certain there would be hurt feelings involved?
10) I need quiet time now more than ever. Lord be with me...my undeserving soul.

this turned into a really weird jumbled up bunch of statements and questions

thus is my life these days.

and what happened to the spell check button??

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2010-01-08T00:36:00.000-06:00

Ok so its a little bit after the day but wishes are sent your way anyways!

Its been a super busy year already. Fun but busy.

New Year's Eve was a blast! We went out to eat with my friends and Chris actually got to go! But he had to leave before dinner was even over because he had to go to work... :o( Then after dinner we spent time at a friends house talking and playing games til the ball dropped! It was fun.

New Year's day was spent traveling to Houston for my nephew's first birthday party!!! My little traveler did fantastic and we had a blast getting there. While there we totally enjoyed visiting with family and getting to see my nephew.

We then headed back home and had a great time traveling again! Katelyn does such a great job driving. Although she does ask many time when we will get there, she never complains and is super easy going. She is true joy to drive with.

That was this weekend...just a few days ago! Wow! It seems so long ago!! Ha!

K went back to school Tuesday and was totally wiped all day today. But she sure does love school.

Speaking of, I start school on the 19th! Ahhh! I am totally excited and ready for the challenge. Chris and I are busy redoing a FREE desk we just got. We spent all last night sanding it and the drawers and today we went to Lowe.s and got all the supplies to paint it, add new fictures and put a glass top in. It is going to look awesome! I will post before and after pictures once we are finished. It is going to look aweosome! Perfect size for computer, work and books. Totally blessed by this little desk!

I am also doing a online book club. SUPER excited about it. Just click on the BLOOM square on the top of my blog and you can find out all about it.

Well, I am off to do some more voting :o)!!! I am entered in a New Year's resolution contest. SO GO VOTE FOR ME!!!

#31

http://www.infulsight.com/kmooreblog/?p=38

Scroll down to the number 31 and vote and vote and vote and vote and vote!!

And vote some more!! Vote for 31 until noon today! Vote vote vote!! I really want to win. Hehehe!

Pictures of all sorts of stuff to come shortly!

VOTE! :o)

Today

2009-12-25T22:17:00.000-06:00

...was a great day!

~Wake up with the hubby fast asleep on one side of me and my sweet little girl snoozin on the other side of me! COZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZYYYYYY sandwich! After K wakes up, she runs out of bed. A minute or so later she comes running back into the room to tell me that Santa ate all the cookies AND drank the milk! PLUS the reindeer ate the reindeer food on the porch and "they were messy!" It was the cutest thing to see her face light up so much.

~open up presents and stockings and swim in a sea of wrapping paper with the girl!

~Eat a small snack while singing Happy Birthday to Jesus as we listen to Christmas music.

~Get dressed and head over to the parents house for a yummy traditional coffee cake breakfast with other delicious mom made foods. PLUS I got to try out a fantastic Blueberry Coffee Cake recipe I got from Monica. You should check her out...she makes soooo many amazing yummies! Thanks Monica! It was a hit! :o)

~Play Guess.tures with the family and kick some royal booty with me and my ma on the same team! It's like we have a 6th sense or something! hehehe!

~Hang out some more then play Cran.ium where again...our team kicks some booty! But not by much! It was fun and hilarious!

~Sit and chat with mom while she fixes some delicious chicken salad and grilled cheese. Clean up the kitchen and house then say our goodbyes because my sweet hoosband has to work tonight and we needed to get him home to change and get ready.

So here I am at home, sitting once again on the couch with my lap top and tv with my sweet little spoiled beyond belief little girl. Happy as a clam that today she wore herself out. Her words not mine. And as we prayed our prayers goodnight, we thanked Jesus for all that He does and once again wished him a wonderful birthday. And Katelyn even hugged Jesus goodnight. :o)

Thank you God for the amazing Gift of our Lord and Savior. Happy Birthday Jesus!! We loooooooveee You!!!!

Am I enough

2009-12-18T12:45:00.000-06:00

I was sitting on the couch earlier today checkin my facebook (on my new and wonderful laptop!!) with Katelyn playing on the coffee table with her small animals. She loves animals! She is so cute makin them talk and have personalities and everything. Super cute!

I had been watching TLC mornings where there are baby stories, adoption stories etc. and just had it on in the back round at this point. The show playing was Adoption Story. This particular story was a family who had 2 special needs kids they had adopted and were wanting more....there's more to the story but I wasn't really watching. The couple were talking about how they weren't satisfied with just one child; they wanted more. They would be happy with more children.

As I was sitting on the couch, Katelyn being all cute with her little animals turns around ever so sweetly and asks me, "Are you a happy with just one"?

Stop me cold in my tracks.

My precious sweet miracle asking me is she was enough. If just her, my only one was good enough. I don't think she will ever know just how happy I am with "just one".

I am so thankful for the journey I have been on with all the pregnancy loss/miscarriage. It has changed me forever and brought me even closer to my Lord and Savior and for that, how could I not rejoice? I am also thankful that I have not been one to overly dwell on the loss. I am thankful that my outlook has been one of love and learning instead of pity and "whoa is me". I don't dwell on the if I am to have another child and we are content being where we are right now. It hasn't been an easy journey I'll admit, but today, this day and for the few previous years I am more than happy with our "just one". I am nlot saying this to be prideful. I say this because it hit me like a ton of bricks. My happyness with "just one" not only affects me and my husband, but Katelyn is profoundly affected by our situation as well. It was today that realized just how amazing all of this is. And today, when my one was asking if she was good enough, I got to honestly answer, "I am more than happy with just one." And I meant it with all of my heart.

I'm a little bit humbled by such an innocent little (gigantic) question.

Honesty

2009-12-14T22:29:00.000-06:00

Well, I deleted my last post because well, I am not quite sure. Just did.

But the jest of the situation is, I get addicted to exercise and not for exercise sake. For the mirror's sake and how it makes me look after running and exercising. So, in all my seeking to be a better person in God's eyes, I have asked Him to direct my exercise and I have asked Him to be the judge on what the mirror says or does not truly say to me. I've never been one to think too highly of myself or my appearance so for now, I just want to see myself the way God sees me. We're still workin on it! One day I hope to. One day.

For now, my first step is to exercise. Exercise so that I can be healthy. Exercise so that I can enjoy working my body the way it was intended...cause Lord knows I LOVE to run and my body seems to know what its doin. (thanks daddy for these skoootin legs!) I am excited to be running again and I look forward to my new journey!!

So now that that's all said...I went running tonight with the girls! Super fun!! I have forgotten how fun it is to run with someone and actually TALK!! I love my quiet time with God and my music but a running partner adds so much to my run. And we did pretty good for our first run. It wasn't too too cold either. We are planning to meet up once a week and run together and run the other times at home. I am looking forward to our weekly runs and fellowship with the girls!

Now, we just need to find a 5k that is in the near future....any ideas anyone? And come join us!!!

He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver

2009-12-13T00:14:00.000-06:00

I copied this from a friend's blog and it spoke so dearly to my heart. Thanks Krystal for sharing this with us.

Malachi 3:3 says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the
silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them, and whatever they're going through, they'll be a better person in the end.

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love, and encourages you with hope."

Lessons

2009-12-09T16:21:00.000-06:00

Often times I need a huge smack in the face. Sometimes literal, but most often just a figurative thing. As is today.

I have been praying that the Lord continue to show me the things that I need to change about myself. Good, bad, or indifferent. Just the things in my life that are not pleasing in His eyes.

Careful, He does always answer prayer.

To make a long drawn out boring self centered story short, let's just say, my issues as of late were a huge eye opening experience. One that allowed me to see ME how I have been. The ugly side. The hypochondriac side. The side that is relying on the world around me and NOT my Heavenly Father. Worry, doubt, disbelief....not matter how small or how its "used" was and is displeasing to Him.

"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. " Isaiah 41:10

Let this be my motto. Let this always be in the forefront of my mind. Fear is not of the Lord...and if it's not of Him, I don't want it.

Normal

2009-11-30T21:03:00.001-06:00

Thank you to everyone who sent their prayers and good thoughts my way about the other day. I went to the doc today and found out nothing. What happened is simply the way my body ovulates...REALLY! The only way to get rid of the monthly pain is to take birth control, and quite frankly, I don't do birth control. For many reasons really but the main one is that I love my husband and when I am on birth control....well, I want to kill him or myself or anyone that comes near me. Other times my acne rears its ugly head (no pun intended) and then others, well, you don't need to know the side effects of those. Let's just say I don't fare well on the stuff and to be perfectly honest, my track record with pregnancies and the like has been pretty much what God wanted when He wanted it. SOOOOOO with that said, my body is out of my control. Lord willing I will have another baby, but if I don't, it will be because He chose it and I wasn't the one controlling the situation. Either way, I rejoice in knowing that He is the one in control!!

And that's my story.

Thanksgiving thoughts and concerns

2009-11-26T22:03:00.000-06:00

So, here I sit on Thanksgiving evening. Chris is off at work, Katelyn is fast asleep and Laura is out enjoying a thanksgiving movie with her boyfriend Crash. I sit as I always do on the couch watching tv. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe is my choice tonight. I love this movie. It always reminds me to be soooo thankful for what our Lord and Savior did for us. What a sacrifice and one that is beyond comprehension most days. I mean really. It brings me to tears every time I let my brain wrap around the idea of what the Lord did for me, for us, for those that call Him King.

So what are you thankful for this day?

The list is broad and wide for me. But here are just a few:

-My Lord and Savior. Without Him...well, let's just not think about that.
-My amazing husband. All of our struggles and all of our heartache have just made me love him even more. He is the absolute best father to our little girl, he is an amazingly hard worker, devoted and loyal, so completely loving and my absolute best friend. How did I ever get so lucky?? Did I mention completely sexy to boot?! ;o)
-My beautiful and gregarious daughter. She is growing into an even sweeter girl each and every day. Her heart is so big and precious and I am thankful for that.
-My wonderful family. They always make me smile!
-This roof over our heads. Although it comes at a small humbling cost, it is home.
-The most amazing friends a girl could ask for. I love each one of you and count you as my sisters!
-The great opportunity to go back to school. This has been on my heart to do for a very long while and with His help, I will succeed and accomplish this goal He has set before me.

There is so much more I have to be thankful for but this is what's on my heart as of right now.

With all that I am thankful for, I still wonder at times about the things in life which we cannot change. I wouldn't bring this up on such a "thankful" day but there is a reason for my train of thought. You see, as we speak, I am sitting here on my couch in pain. Pain that I am not quite sure why it's here. This is not a foreign pain to me. In fact, it is one that I am all too familiar with. It has just come in different ways for me over the years. In 2004, it meant my first laproscopic procedure to remove ectopic number 1; in 2006 it meant my second lap procedure to remove ectopic number 2 and removal of my ruptured fallopian tube; in 2007 it meant 22 staples to remove ectopic number 3 on one remaining "good tube" and with that, a tremendously hard recovery; and in 2009 (january) it meant a miscarriage and ruptured ovarian cyst.

No I am not pregnant. No I am not having another ectopic pregnancy. HPT reveals quite the opposite. But what IS happening is not clear. All my self diagnosing research is telling me that I could be experiencing another ovarian cyst. The pain is tolerable, as I seem to have an incredible pain tolerance, so therefore I will not be heading to the ER again. I am not experiencing any abnormal bleeding (sorry for those that don't like TMI) so again no need for ER visit. But what IS in my immediate future is a nice little trip to exposing myself house of fun-MD. The wonderful Dr. Atkins. If it is a cyst and it hasn't ruptured, then I guess my body will just absorb it. If it has ruptured, then I guess my body will have to absorb it as well. I really don't know but honestly, and this is why its so much on my mind right now, I just really would like to NOT have female issues. We've been married since 2003 and starting in 2004, I have been to the hospital once a year having surgery except for 2008. Tiring....YES! Although I have come to terms will all the loss we have had, I still have the questions. Right or wrong they are still there.

-What is the purpose of all this?
-Is there an end in sight to all the "issues" I seem to have?
-What am I supposed to learn from all that has gone on? Cause if I had learned the lesson, wouldn't the "issues" be gone?
-Bring it on Lord if there is more for me to learn...speak and I will listen. Or is this my cross to bear?

All these questions, all this pain, I'm really just tired. Plain and simple. Tired and ready to move on.

what you see when walking....

2009-08-15T22:33:00.000-05:00

Something weird happened to me the other day.

I went on a walk. A long walk on my cross training day. As I was walking down this one street, I came up on the street in our neighborhood where there is an assisted living home. I honestly have never seen anyone go in or out but its there. I was walking listening to Meredith Andrews or Addison Road (can't remember which but those are my two favs right now so I know I was listening to either of them!) when I looked up to see a sweet elderly couple out for a walk. The woman was dressed in a light pink pants and shirt and had beautiful white hair styled the way you would expect a woman of her age to style it. I laughed. The man had on khaki shorts and a blue shirt with a full head of white hair. I laughed again. It made me smile to think about how we never really get old...boys will always wear blue and girls will always love pink! I then thought about my grandmother and how much she too loves pink to this day and wondered how far back that color went with her and her love of it. Will I too wear the colors I love today when I am the age this woman was?

As I walked on I just watched this sweet couple. Their speed was expected and I smiled at the way they held one another hands. So sweet so innocent yet so natural and cute. Her little purse swinging on her right shoulder waiting to get to CVS. As they turned onto the drive to get to the parking lot, I was taken aback. To most it may have not been any big deal...an old couple taking their sweet time to get anywhere. But when that husband reached across his wife's back and gently yet so ever lovingly directed her to the inside of the walkway, the side closest to the grass and away from any traffic that may enter the drive, I almost stopped in my tracks. Such a simple act showing love and care, protection and concern. This act was done with such grace and habit that I felt like I was getting a glimpse into a sweet couple's intimate rituals.

Then.....I started to cry. Yes that's right...cry. Just a few small tears but my eyes welled up nonetheless.

You see, as I was watching this couple, I was reminded of my dear husband. The man who loves me through it all. The man who when I am old and "pink" will be right there by my side directing me away from traffic putting himself at risk to protect me still. I know he will do this because, you see, he does this now and always has. He has always done this ever since I have known him and I love that about him. His way of protecting me even when I didn't think I needed it. It made me think about what we will be like when we get old and I wondered if we would look anything like the couple I was "spying" on. I laughed again and thanked God for these small little glimpses into what sweet walks I have to look forward to with my ever loving and protective white haired man in blue!

Happenings and such

2009-08-08T22:28:00.000-05:00

Well well...me and my timely posts. I continually say that I will be a better blogger but truth is...I don't like to sit on the computer. Just ask any of my clients who get their photos a wee bit later than I would like to get them to them...yikes.

Anyway...a LOT has been going on around here since my last post.

I have had an amazing first month on my treatment. Its amazing the difference that a month makes. I told my doc the other day that I honestly felt happy for the first time in years. I have energy to spare and I've even started training for a 5k. My first racing 5k since before I was married. I can't believe how much I miss running! Well, let me clarify...jogging is more like it right now! When you haven't run in 6 and a half years, you have to start slow. And slow I am! I ran my first timed mile the other day (after a week of training) in 9 minutes 15 seconds. Its a start! I time my next mile tomorrow...we'll see!

Katelyn has decided that she wants to be a typical 4 year old. What does that mean some might ask...you'll only be asking that if you DON'T have a 4 year old. Ha! We've had lots of "go to your room" times in the last few days. Its been super fun! And just today she has started laughing at me when I am disciplining her. That's super fun! Let me tell you. But, let's not dwell on the negative! Its easy to do with the mom of a 4 year old. Despite her finding herself, she is such an incredible girl. So happy and creative. She plays all day long with her animals and toys. She is sooo imaginative. I love that about her. She still has no real desire to practice writing her name...she'd much rather play with her stuffed animals! I guess she takes after her momma that way! I was sooo not the student, but loved to create things and play all the time. She starts school the week we are in Florida and she is looking forward to it. I think she gets really bored these days sitting in the house due to the immense heat. We go to the water park occasionally but that is it. I wish we had a pool of our own to stay occupied more often. School will help for sure. I just can't believe she is a year away from starting KINDERGARTEN! Don't get me started on that....sighhhh

In other news, we are headed to DISNEY WORLD in 4 weeks! We can't wait! Katelyn is soooo super excited about going and talks about it all the time. She can't wait to go visit Cinderella's castle and ride on her very first plane ride! That will be a lot of fun for all of us. A whole week in Disney thanks to Chris's mom and step dad. Its a family trip and we look forward to spending some fun vacation time with everyone.

Chris got tested for Lyme disease a couple weeks ago and got his results the other day. Verdict...we are a Lyme couple! Yes in fact he does have lyme disease. Seriously, what are the odds? Now we wait and see when we can afford to head to Houston to get him into the same Doc I see. I am just baffled at this. I mean not really...we both got bit at the same time with the same kind of bite. I am just perplexed as to the why. I know we aren't supposed to ask "why" and trust that our Heavenly Father has everything under control. The faithful part of me doesn't ask...the human part of me does. With everything is a chance to learn and grow closer to our Lord and Savior. Yes I know this. Maybe I need to practice it a bit more and the "whys" won't be so haunting....

Continued news...we have no computer right now. A wonderful virus ate our computer. So, luckily we "slaved" our old comp and got the important photos and files off the old one and are now in the process of reformatting the old one. I honestly don't miss the computer. I am currently using my sister's lap top but other than that, I'm not real sad to have no internet access. (Refer to previous statement about computer sitting not a fan of statement!) So this post will be photo free...not that I have been taking a lot of photos lately anyways.

Well...I'm off to do something constructive...dishes, fold laundry or finish my book!

Book it is! HA!

Thanks for stopping by!

And just because I want to....

2009-06-29T22:50:00.001-05:00

My favorite picture of Katelyn...to date.

Pray pray PRAY!!

2009-06-29T22:21:00.001-05:00

Tomorrow is a big day. But Wednesday, Wednesday is the bigger day. Tomorrow my little family and I (minus the dog and cat) will be heading to the hot humid city of Houston. Normally I can't stand making the trip in the summer to the most humid city known to man (ok...maybe a we bit of an exaggeration), but this time I am completely excited. I've been looking forward to this day since I made the appointment 3 weeks ago. After the gazillion doctor's appointments and numerous phone calls, lab work after lab work and hour after hour of wasted time on seeing doctors, I am hopefully making one last visit to the doctor for a VERY LONG TIME!

I am headed to Houston to see a homeopathic MD. A family friend recommended this doctor for the healing and eradicating of the disease that has plagued my body for 2 years now. I am finally hopeful and PRAYERFUL about this chapter of my life finally ending. This chapter called Lyme. Recently I have started having the "episodes" that knock me out for a day and a half so this appointment is coming at the perfect time. (well the actual perfect time would have been almost a year ago when I started seeing the other doc about my lyme....but we won't go there)

All I can do now is pray that Dr. Robinson will and does have the answer, the cure, the healing for this disease.

Please be praying too! For any of you that know about this disease or have known me through these last 2 years, pray! THe Lord has shown me and taought me so many things through this expierence and I am thankful for that. But let's move on!!

Update when we get back...but for now, the cutest little kitty cat ballerina EVER!!

We weren't supposed to use our cameras but I was second row and didn't use my flash...so I snapped this one a few others.

There aren't many of the two of us. My sweet firl and her flowers!

Her poor daddy...he looks so wiped in the pictures. Prolly because he is! Had worked the night shift the night before and didn't get any sleep all day this day. It was 10pm by now and poor daddy was fightin hard.

More full costume shots to come...once we get back I plan on taking her picture with her costume on. So cute!! But maybe I'm just a wee bit biased. :o)

Photos and then some

2009-05-28T17:44:00.000-05:00

I'm not the best at posting...as we are all aware! These days I am trying to take more photos. I find that I usually only pick up my camera when I have a shoot scheduled and not ever just randomly throughout the day or week. I would like for that to change. So, I'm doing just that...shooting more often. Nothing spectacular...just fun random shots throughout our day.

My sweet BIG girl (who picked out that outfit all by herself might I add) at the park today. It was a beautiful day outside and the tail end of C's weekend so we headed to the park. It's hard to get her to actually LOOK at the camera so this is what ya get! I still can't believe how old she is looking.

Does this father daughter picture really need any explanation? I think it pretty much speaks for itself. Love it.

It's not always a good idea to wear jeans to the park on a very bright sunshiny day in Texas. In May. So, I sat in the shade over off to the side of the playground and shot some pictures. I love texture when photographing and there is plenty of it on this park bench.

One of our favorite sandwich shops to eat at is Potbelly's. Chris hated it at first but then shortly found that adding the famous peppers to the sandwich adds sooo much flavor! And he's loved 'em ever since. We got to splurge on sandwiches the other day while out and about shopping for new shoes for K. She is growing like crazy and so are her feet! We took her to the local shoe shop that had a huge sale going on and the added 20% off coupon I had was great. She got some super cute pink Nike's. Shocking huh? Pink. She loves pink!

Well I am off to fix my family some dinner. I'll be postin again soon! Stop back by!

Welcome to my monday...

2009-05-18T10:35:00.000-05:00

When living in Texas and you don't have a pool...what do you do?! Sprinklers! Katelyn has a blast with the flower sprinkler she got for her birthday a couple of years ago.

Speaking of water and Katelyn...I am at a loss as to what to do about my still peeing in the bed at night 4 year old. To pull-up or not to pull-up. A friend recommended that I just put her in undies and let her pee the bed...she'll eventually start waking up and going herself. 10 days later that is not the case. She has some really clean sheets and my washer is seeing some even more daily use. I tried waking her up and taking her potty before I go to bed...that worked. But is this ME being potty trained or her? Advice? Suggestions?

Remember the house buying comment I made...well, we will most likely not be buying a home or moving any time soon. I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand we will be financially better off NOT moving any time soon. Not to mention we will still be close to family, friends, K's school and familiarity. On the other hand, I will sleep better knowing that come 530am, my overly tired night shift working husband would be home in 15 minutes rather than 60. And half the time he has to work late, making his time being awake even longer. Like saturday for example; he worked extra because they were understaffed on the shift after his and so he worked a total of 16 hours friday to saturday. Granted its time and half for the extra but still. If we lived closer I wouldn't have been so worried. That day I ended up driving the hour to pick him up, driving home and driving the hour to take him back to work and driving home. Now I did this gladly because of the drive he would have had to make after working that many hours and I knew how tired he would be. It just makes me nervous that he drives that far after having worked so hard during the night. Anyways...its a constant prayer of mine...

Randomness anyone?

This thing is like super tall. I am afraid of heights so Beth doesn't like to do a lot of playing on this one. K loves it! She gets her bravery and dare-devilness from her daddy. NOT me.

If ya look closely.....you will see a big old POOP (mud) spot! hahahahaha! This is what happens when a 30 year old braves the way too tall slide with daughter and doesn't look at the slide first. Could it have been located in a more ridiculous spot?!! I mean seriously. SERIOUSLY! And no...there was no one blinded by the whiteness of my legs throughout the duration of my short wearing day. Thanks.

Chris got out all of our cds the other night to organize them. We have a ton and they looked so cool as he sorted and arranged them.

I wish I could post the picture of the 3 girls over here at my house all running around playing and being "Bolt" with nothing but their undies on! "But mommy Bolt doesn't wear clothes". How can I argue with that? So they run around in undies because Bolt wears nothing except for the lightening bolt...which they all have drawn on their sides. Ahh to be 2, 4 and 5 with an active imagination! I love it.

I'm off to fix lunch and then the park has our name written all over it! Hope your monday is a good one!

Ten on Tuesday

2009-05-12T22:19:00.000-05:00

Because I tend to be quite a follower and not creative enough to think of something new on my own...we will have ten on Tuesday today.

10. I am borderline obsessive compulsive. Took me 30 years to admit it, but I am. I really noticed it when I was loading the dish washer one day. Chris had put some dishes in there and I was coming around later to finish up the loading. Well, it wasn't satisfactory enough for me. So what did I do? Yup...I rearranged each piece that was unsat. I seriously need to let that go! sheesh just writing it makes me sound like a freak!

9. Speaking of obsessive, I actually am obsessive about my nails. I can chew the heck out of skin around my nails but my nails are impeccably manicured all the time. I usually manicure them every other day. Which reminds me....tonight's the night! ;o)

8. Did I mention I am wanting to start training for 5k's? If I did, then you now know just how much I really want to! If I didn't, then now you do! I want to run 5k's again...like the wind man...like the wind.

7. We might be moving...again. No contracts have been put down and nothing really has been truly discussed or we don't even know if we CAN get approved for a loan or anything like that...but prayers are being said and thats all Im gonna say. Once I can say more....I will tell the awesome story of it all!

6. 6 is my favorite number. I guess because I am one of six kids and very proud of that fact...but its true. I just love the number 6.

5. I wish I had more "guts". Cause if I did, I just might sing in public. I would LOVE to have the nerve to karaoke...or even do some stand up. I would love to do that. Although I am not sure I am sarcastic enough for that.

4. I think I have mentioned that previously mentioned small detail before....did I mention also that I have a freakishly weird memory? I can remember people and their birthdays from elementary and/or junior high school that I wasn't really even friends with but I can't remember what I told you last week...or what someone told me last week...do they make a pill to correct for that?

3. I don't like crowds. In fact, I loathe them. I detest the very place they are at that moment. If you see me at the mall on saturday it is because I am being pulled by my hair kicking and screaming...that or I just need to go and its the last day for me to go before I have to give that certain gift I am trying to find to that certain person. But its true. We are going to Disney World this summer and I am not looking forward to the crowds...but actually I think we are going the first week of school so the crowds won't be a factor! YIPPEE!!

2. I don't make friends very easily. Wish I did...but never have. I guess that could be attributed to my ultimate lack of trust for all mankind. ;o) or...maybe not. I'm clausterphobic so maybe that's why I hate crowds. I don't hate the people involved in the crowds, just the crowd itself.

1. Did I mention that I still have lyme disease? Well, I do. And I'm not happy about that. DId you know? On top of all that, I called 5 holistic doctors yesterday and left messages with all of them to call me back and all of 1 called me today. I was actually impressed even the one called me back. However he only takes phone calls from 9-10 each morning and I got his message at 10:03. Drat! Mabe tomorrow I can call him. Wish me luck!

Well, Chris is done putting sweet tiredbeyondbelief Katelyn to bed so I think we will sit and watch a movie together. It's the beginning of Chris's weekend so Happy Friday to US!!!

Thanks for stopping by!

Another day...another dollar

2009-05-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

You know, I am full of cliche sayings. Its true. The other day I said the same stupid saying (of which I can't remember now) to two different people within a few hours of each other. Chris just laughed...I blame lyme disease for sucking the knowledge right out of me!

Ok ok...i have to stop blaming lyme eventually.

Speaking of the bug that has gotten me ticked (pun intended), I went to the doc for another check up last week.

Guess what?!

I still have lyme. And on top of that, it looks as though the end is nowhere in sight. Yup. 10 minutes of talking with doc after driving an hour only to find out that my numbers aren't where they need to be and even when they get to where he wants them, I am not 100% cured. Huh? Then why are we working on getting those numbers up? He didn't explain. Just told me to keep taking the antibiotics (that I have been on for 8 months now) and he'll recheck my bloodwork and call me.

Yea...like you did the last month? Even AFTER I called asking for my results. Sheesh. It's time for a change. So....after contacting an online friend about her situation, I am on the hunt for a Homeopathic doctor who knows something about Lyme disease. No more drugs that just seem to be NOT HELPING and onto healing the way God intended...naturally.

Speaking of healing, my aforementioned friend (the one in the roll over) is healing well. She is still seeing a neurologist for some nagging symptoms that need some prayer. Also be praying that she gets some help financially. Being a single mom is tough and now that she is out of work and has been for 2 weeks with NO vacation sick leave, she is loosing money every day. Keep her in your prayers please.

On a positive note, I have started running again. YEA! It's awesome! And by awesome I mean completely humiliating and incrediably hard because after running a mere half of a mile I want to die. Seriously. Die. I used to run mile after mile after mile...only to come home because it was too late and dark and I feared for my life. But it was nothing for me to go out and run for over an hour at 6+ miles at a time.

What. Happened?

Oh I'll tell you. Marriage. Ha! I stopped runningabout a year after we got married because I got pregnant, had surgery, got pregnant 2 months later, had a kid. Got pregnant again...had another surgery. Got lyme disease then got pregnant again, miscarried and was told to lay off activity because of the ovaria cyst they found...tennis ball sized. YEA! Don't wanna mess around with that. So, here we are, 5 years after I stopped running. Out of shape and completely winded after half a mile. Time for some major training and whipping my butt back into shape.

Well, I'm off to pay another dollar on this 'nother day...gotta pick up the cat who is getting spayed today.

Thanks for stopping by and enjoy the pic of my lovely playing in the mini cottage at the Dallas Arboretum.

Grace in abundance

2009-04-29T00:36:00.000-05:00

I sit here on the verge of tears unending...

...God is so good.

Good in ways I can't even explain in coherent terms. But its such an amazing feeling to know that not only do I have the unstoppable love of my earthly father, but I have an even more powerful love of my Heavenly Father. And let me tell you, the thought of a love greater than my dad is simply unfathomable. So needless to say sitting here thinking about the love that comes from Above simply leaves me awestruck.

Breathless.

What could have possibly happened for me to actually sit and write a blog about it?

I'll tell you.

Sunday evening I was sitting on my couch when I got a phone call around 930ish. Not unusual for this night owl but still odd nonetheless seeing how it was Sunday night. I answer the call from one of my best friends. She instantly sounds bad and goes into detail about how our other friend was last heard from her boyfriend driving down the road when she said "Oh shit!" And then there was crunching and then nothing.

Nothing for 25 minutes until the firefighter finally answered her cell phone asking her boyfriend questions about Jennifer.

Last year my dad was in an accident and I can't tell you the impact that had on me. A daughter potentially loosing not only her Daddy but a very best friend was almost too much for me to handle. He's my daddy...but even with that, I knew that he would be ok because he was on his Vespa and was only going 25 or so miles an hour.

Tonight I live those thoughts all over again because I saw in full detail the pictures of my friends truck.

......The only way she is alive is because God's amazing love. His mercy. His grace. His miracle. His EVERYTHING. She flipped her truck 5-6 times and crushed the roof in on top of her. The air bags did not deploy. The dash came in on her....she hit her head and has a concussion. Scraped hand and sore body.

That. is. it.

The carnage that was left from her wreck is enough to make anyone believe in miracles. She went home the next day.

So, needless to say, Our Father in Heaven never ceases to amaze me. I am in awe. Complete awe.

Father we praise Your Holy Name. Thank you for protection over Jennifer Sunday night. You were there with her and the proof is so incredibly evident. Continue to heal her fully and let Your Glory shine through all of this.

Amen

where the sidewalk ends

2009-03-17T00:07:00.000-05:00

Well, as history goes, I'm due for an update. Once every couple of months for the 2 people who read this is good...don't ya think?

Its March and I am now 30.

K is 4.

4....what a crazy number. Who would have thought that by the end of my 20's I would have had 4 pregnancy losses and one healthy child. The end of January I had a miscarriage. I blame all the yuck medicine I had been on for Lyme's disease. But the blessing in that was despite the other 3 ectopic pregnancies, this pregnancy WAS in the uterus. PRAISE GOD!! Well, that's a duh seeing how He places the babies where He wants them anyways!

Speaking of Lyme...I wish I had done more research in regard to treating Lyme disease and gone the homeopathic route. But alas, this doc was highly recommended and I ran over to get the drugs. Hindsight being what it is, I would have prayed more about it and really sought after what direction God wanted me to go...He is after all The Great Physician. Wouldn't He know best what was best for healing me? I thought I had and maybe I did...but what is done is done and hopefully after April 6 I will get the all clear from the Doc. If not, anyone know a doc that will treat me naturally? No more antibiotics please 6 months is MORE than my little liver can handle.

I got a job for the first time since I was nanny before I got married 6 years ago. I don't count my 2 month stint with Vickie's Secret a REAL job. It was more of a joke job than anything. I now am working for a real estate agent here locally that ROCKS! He is in the historic district here in town and I am excited about it. Definitely something brought to me by God because I struggled with calling this guy back for fear that I would have to work or that I wouldn't be good at it. Well, while doing a bible study (after NOT calling him back) God told me to call this guy. I said no. And He said YES! NOW! So, I did and after chatting with this very eccentric man for about an hour and a half, I had a job doing something I have always wanted to do. It will be great because he is willing to work around Katelyn's school schedule and for that I am soooo grateful. Talk about answer to prayer! Anyways...I'm stocked and I have my dear friends Josh and Rian to thank for introducing us!

Katelyn is in school twice a week now. She absolutely loves it and fits right in. I'm amazed at her every day...we have our 4 year old days where I think it would be best that she started kindergarten TODAY and was gone all the time, but for the most part, she is a curious, spunky, sassy little princess that is just too cute for words most days....the days I don't want to strangle her that is!

Well I guess that's about it...I'm about as boring as could be right now. Just please pray that my Lyme is gone and no longer actively stressing my body. I'd like to be done with this chapter of my life. Maybe I'll write a book...God knows there are plenty of chapters already...

New Year!

2009-01-02T11:36:00.000-06:00

2008 is gone...Welcome 2009!!!

I am excited beyond belief about this year!

I will become Lyme free!!

We will be financially and in all other ways FINALLY stable!

Katelyn will start preschool (bitter bitter sweet).

I turn 30 and leave my 20's behind (THANK GOD!!!).

Chris will celebrate 1 year of being a stinkin hott cop! I love a man in uniform...in case you didn't know! ;o)

I pray that this year we are blessed with yet another little baby. Only God knows when but I am hopeful for this year. As long as I am Lyme free I don't care when.

I have an amazing family that I love and love to spend time with.

I have amazing friends that challenge and inspire me every single day. I cherish you guys more than you know.

And the best part of it all is that I get to spend another year getting to know my Lord and Savior. My relationship with Him has never been better, yet could always be better and I look forward to growing in and with Him.

Thanks for stopping by and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! I hope you are as excited about this year as I am.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Welcome to the world little Thaden Lewis! C's brother is now a Daddy! Thaden was born on the 31st and we could not be more excited to have another little cousin for Katelyn! She's the only girl but gets along great with the boys! Welcome Thaden you are so stinkin cute and we can't wait to hold and squeeze and love all over you! What a way to end 2008! Yea!!

Just cause...

2008-12-11T22:54:00.000-06:00

....I wanna show off the beauty that is my daughter. She has been totally touching my heart lately. Despite her bratty-ness (which comes with the territory of 3.75 year old) she has such a wonderful spirit and heart. Her love for everyone and everything is infectious. I can't tell you how blessed I am to have been given this amazing gift of a daughter. If I never have another child I will die happy knowing that this precious little blessing was more than enough. She has touched so many people in so many different ways and most of all my own heart. I have learned so much from being her mom and continue to grow every single day. The Lord knew what He was doing (duh!!) giving her to me.

I love you sweet little miracle more than you'll ever know. Thank you for being you and being great. You are amazing!!

A little....

2008-12-09T23:57:00.000-06:00

I saw this on someone else's blog, who borrowed it from someone else's blog; so I decided to let the borrowing continue :D

I AM ... excited about the future...for the first time.
I WANT… to be constantly mindful of what He is telling me.
I HAVE … a lot of love to give.
I KEEP... my heart guarded and don't let a lot of people TRULY in.
I WISH I COULD … sing in a church.
I HATE … it when I can't fix it.
I FEAR … not hearing what I should when I should and acting on it.
I HEAR …. beautiful music far too little.
I DON’T THINK … I could survive without Belief.
I REGRET … never taking chances growing up.
I LOVE … my life.
I AM NOT … ever going to look back.
I DANCE … far too little.
I SING … not nearly enough for others to hear...apparently.
I NEVER … want to say never again.
I RARELY … shower...its true.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH … "based on a true story" movies.
I AM NOT ALWAYS … rational.
I HATE THAT … I haven't finished school.
I’M CONFUSED ABOUT … when its ok to break a confidence.
I NEED …the hubby to be home now.
I SHOULD … go read my Bible.

Hope you enjoyed a little about me myself and I. It took a lot longer for me to fill out than I thought...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

...have you ever had so much to say but no words to say them with?

That's me right now.

I'm good at this blogging thing aren't I?!!

2008-12-08T23:57:00.000-06:00

Well I have to say...this is pathetic. What's the point of a blog if I'm never on here and never post? Ahh well...

A lot has happened since I last posted. Where to begin....

I do NOT have Rocky Mountain Spotted fever. I have Lyme disease. Fun huh? I am on antibiotics right now and they seem to be keeping the symptoms at bay. They aren't totally gone but they are a lot less severe because of the medication. I go to the specialist on the 29th to figure out how to rid my body of this fantastic disease!

Chris is enjoying his new shift and schedule. Night shift. I am surprisingly ok with it all. It seems to work out best for us in the long run. He is gone while we sleep, he sleeps while we play and gets up in the afternoon to spend a good 5-6 hours with him before he leaves. That's more than we got to see him when he was working a regular 9-5 job...at least it seems that way because he is happy and its fun to be around him! ha!

Katelyn is having issues dealing with his absence. For most of her short little life her daddy was her night time buddy. He would bathe her, read her stories and put her to bed. Not every single night but most nights. Now, he isn't here at bed time and she has a hard time with it. Her sweet little spirit is so loving and warm that whenever anyone leaves she just melts. Her aunt (who is living with us) leaves for school and work and every time Katelyn follows her to the door telling her 50 times she loves her. "Have a nice day!" "I love you to the moon and back Lala!" Every. Single. Time. She does that with her daddy...she does that when I leave (on the rare occasion that I DO!). She has the most precious spirit. So loving, kind and never a stranger does she meet. I had a photo shoot sunday with an old friend from high school that Katelyn had never met. I had to take her with me (she's also a great assistant!!) because Chris was sleeping. Well, by the time we left, K had told my friend she loved her like 5 times. It was sweet. SO, all that to say...she hates it when people leave...especially her Daddy and it just breaks her heart. Oh how she loves him and never wants him to leave!!

In other news...it looks like the search for a place to live in the town of C's employment has come to a halt. Both C and I have felt the Lord keeping us here for now. We know and are willing to move whenever He says jump but right now, we feel Him keeping us grounded here. This will allow for us to get on our feet financially, be stable for a change and even put K in school next semester. So...we are super excited about this and just ready to hear what God has for us next.

Well...this computer has been sitting in front of me for a few hours now because of the 3 photo shoots from this weekend I had to process. I am finally DONE and am really ready to go read some before I hit the sack.

Thanks for stopping by!

The results are in....sorda

2008-10-23T18:19:00.000-05:00

Okay...so my leave of absence is due to....Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever! Yea that's it!!

Well, as some of you may or may not know, I have been to the doctor lately. A lot. A rare occurrence unless pregnant or post op. I have never liked going to the doctor and it usually takes me months of feeling terrible before I do anything about it. Case in point my 3 month pulled back that FINALLY healed after going to a new PCP ( I hadn't been to a PCP since I was 18) and getting muscle relaxers to help heal me. So, I don't go to the docs. I've never really had a need....until recently.

About 2 weeks ago I started having major hearing problems. I've always had "slight" hearing loss and/or issues but this time I seriously thought I was going deaf. Conversations were very difficult and other sounds were just plain deafening. So, my dear friend suggested I come see the doc she works for (an ENT) and the first thing I should do in preparation for that is get a hearing test done.

So I did. And I have moderate hearing loss in both ears. DUH! I coulda told you that! My right ear is better than my left but still not where it should be for a gal my age...according to the ENT.

Well, I get my hearing tested and wait to see the ENT. While waiting for my appointment I start having these weird dizzy spells. They come on suddenly and last 2 days. The intensity of the "dizziness" subsides after a few hours but for about a day and half all I can do is lay around in bed for fear of falling down due to vertigo and/or running into the walls...which I did several times the first "episode". I have had two of the unexpected episodes in the last 2 weeks and I live in fear of the next one. Imagine this...if you can that is....being the absolute drunkest you have ever been JUST prior to the vomiting stage. Now stay that way for 7-8 hours. Yea. That's what the spells feel like. It's the worst. The episodes just come on without any warning and have me down for the count for 2 days. Then the next day and half I spend recovering and dizzy still. I have no clue as to what is causing all these weird things but we are on the right track because...

I just got off the phone with the results from my Monday's 7 vial blood draw to test for who knows what and found out that....

I have Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever.

Doc isn't sure if that is the sole cause of my dizzy episodes but at least that could explain why I have been so lethargic for months now, crampy all. the. time., headaches that I can't get rid of and a general state of crappiness. This is a tick born illness and apparently last YEAR when I had those random bites on my abdomen that lasted 3months...yea. those were ticks. Laying in bed...woke up with the bites. I'm seriously grossed out.

So, next step...who knows. I was told you get rid of the bacteria that is the "fever" with antibiotics. Now I just wait to hear back from the doc and PRAY that I don't have another dizzy episode. I've had one a week since this whole thing started and have yet to have one this week...pray OH pray!!!

and FYI...no it isn't contagious. You can still be around me without fear! ha!

That's what's goin on im my little world...what about yours?

Lately....

2008-09-13T16:31:00.000-05:00

I have been busy.

~Photo shoots galore (check here for proof) and processing of said shoots.

~Katelyn has been different these days as well. I can't explain it other than she is continually trying to adjust to her daddy's ever changing training schedule. Its hard for her to not ever see her daddy and when she does she's so tired she just "wiggs" out and can't seem to calm down. I pray that after these next 9 weeks we find some sort of trick that helps ease her little missing heart and his schedule will be one that favors well for all of us.

~Money stinks...Lack of money stinks even more. And when the cause of your lack of money is your lack of responsiblity, its sucks a big one. Go US!!

Here is the latest little pix of me and my girl. I don't take my picture too often but when I do, I like to insure the cutesness by adding my sweetness!

Thanks for stoppin by! And don't forget to leave me a comment! It makes me happy!

Is it time yet?

2008-08-13T23:41:00.000-05:00

So, among the most bittersweet moments of my life, today pretty much took the cake and left me speechless. My dear little K started her very first dance class. She was soooo excited!! She was bouncing around the house all morning. Getting dressed way too early! Creating her own dance moves and getting us to watch each and every one. Asking where dance class the whole way to the studio. She told every girl that walked in the waiting area that she was going to dance. She even went as far as to walk up to her teacher and tell her that she was going to listen to what she was going to tell her. (We discussed this previously!) The teacher was going around the room fixing the ballet shoes by cutting off the strings and tucking them into their shoes and K was so proud to have her shoes already fixed up ready to go! She pointed this out to her teacher. (I read the instructions accompanied with the dancing application. It's not genius stuff here. Just follow the directions for uniform info and you'll be good!) She made several new best friends today and she couldn't have been more happy. It was a proud moment for this mom.

Here she was JUMPING out of the car and up onto the sidewalk. Had I not stopped her to take a picture she would have already been to the door!!
And for once she actually let me take her picture with her smiling! Happiness will do that to ya!

Moments before walking into her dance room. Sometimes I can't believe how amazing this little person is. Amidst all the brattyness that is every three year old, there is a sweet, caring, brave, talented, beautiful little girl growing up before my eyes and not slowing down for a minute.

I wish I had a picture of her as she came out of the room. Her face was lit up and she was smiling from ear to ear. The first words out of her mouth before I even had a chance to ask were "I had so much fun!" It brings me such joy to make her happy in such a simple way.

And this post wouldn't be complete without a little brattyness of my own...captured as we waited for K to finish her lesson.

Thanks for stoppin by!

SURPRISE!

2008-08-07T16:58:00.000-05:00

10 "things" you might care to read...or not...

10. I have been working out now for 2 months. I'm not doing it loose weight I am doing it for energy and to actually fit back into my clothes.. After my last loss and surgery I decided that I didn't care to watch what I ate and didn't cook hardly at all. Read FAST FOOD! My ever so eager fat greedy belly decided to take it all in. I am by no means fat, just needed a little toning and fat loss in the post baby and 4 surgery midsection. Mission is yet to be accomplished...clothes are starting to "sorta" fit again...maybe another 2 months and goal will be acheived...wish me luck!

9. My new favorite artist is Plumb. I love melodic tunes like her. She seems so real and I love that about artists.

8. Is being SUPER organized considered anal? Because I think I may be borderline.

7. My sister is now living with us. She brings to the house another cat and LOTS of fun clothes! I'm excited! Now I just need to loose 3 inches in height to fit into ALL her stuff!

6. Cops are HOTT! Or maybe just the one inparticular. Seriously...who doesn't love a man in uniform?!

5. Almost 30 year olds should NOT be having the worst acne of their lives...right?

4. You should read Eat Right for Your Blood Type. It seriously made so much sense to me. Who knew I would actually start eating cow and feeling great while doing it?!

3. K put herself down for a nap this afternoon. We are making progress! At 3 and half its about time she start doing that!

2. K put herself down for a nap today....she is growing up. *tear*

1. I randomly break out in weird voices that sometimes, if not all times weird people out. I've always done it and I think I may have scarred my sister permantly. Just ask her...she'll tell you about the voices growing up.

Randomness is always fun...anyone else?

Thanks for stoppin by!

in case you wanted to know...

2008-08-06T15:52:00.000-05:00

...here is what I look like today.

First of all, I have been growing my hair out for several months now and was ready for a change. In case you didn't know, I LOVE change. Its a problem I have...but its how I am and isn't going to change any anytime soon. SOOOO while the growing out process occurs...and girls you KNOW how frusterating this period is...my FABULOUS hair dresser and I decided to cut some bangs. Apparently the are making a come back and my big forehead is excited to be covered up! So there ya have it...bangs.

And if you look closely you'll see a surprising little piece of jewelry on my not so little nose! Yup...that's right! I did it. I pierced my nose. I have toyed with the idea for more than 2 years now and just recently got up the courage to do it. Crazy huh?! C actually really likes it and K thinks its so cute! ha! No it didn't hurt, yes it takes some getting used to and no it doesn't bother me except when I blow my nose and dry my face. It's funky fresh!

C is currently at work. On the streets. Being a cop. I started crying today just thinking about what could possibly happen. I do this ever so often to keep the reality of his job fresh in my mind. I know he is safe...2 guns, 2 knives, a shotgun and mega bp-vest...but his job is not to be taken lightly. He will be dealing with some not so good people at not so good hours of the day. I have such an amazing amount of pride for police officers now. Its funny how fast your opinions can change when you come into contact with so many different officers. They are out there busting their butts each and every day. They wear the most uncomfortable, black, cotton/wool blend (aka HOT) uniforms. Their gear weighs an additional gazillion pounds (trust me...I've picked everything up and felt the weight) and they have to wear boots! BOOTS! In 107 degree weather they are wearing wool and boots. Think about that...it makes me sweat just to think about it! Not to mention the fact that every person who comes in contact with a cop is typically in trouble and most likely hating them.

****phone call*****

okay. so I'm done being on my small soap box about cops. I like cops and I'm not ashamed to say it. Just remember, they are all normal people just like my hubby. They aren't all egotistical power hungry jerks.

how was your day?

what changes have you made?

new days ahead

2008-08-05T15:12:00.000-05:00

I am trying out this blogger thing once again seeing how typepad (even though I PAY for it) is not working out too well...so...we'll see how this works for now!

I am wanting to get organized with my photography business. I am such a newbie when it comes to the technology side of things and I feel it is hindering my advancing in the business. Any suggestions? I am good at the basic photoshop skills; I haven't even made any business cards; I need a business plan and I don't even have a laptop. I guess I have finally mentally shifted from "just for friends" to full blown business (wannabe.) I just need to have a game plan and prepare myself for a business rather than a hobby. It's gonna take some time...and maybe a class or two.

On a personal note, please keep my dear hubby in your prayers. He starts his shift work as of tomorrow and this means he is on the streets. Being a cop is what God made him to be. I trust that our Heavenly Father will without a doubt protect him. It just never hurts to send out some extra prayers now and then!!

Katelyn starts her very first dance class next week! She is so excited she can't even stand it! I can't wait to see her on stage in her cute little costume dancing away! I'll be crying...you watch. I will cry. It is just so bittersweet that I don't even have words to express how I am feeling right now. I have this amazing little person engaging more and more in regular kid things and I get so excited every time I see her advancing. Yet, she is quite possibly our only little miracle and that makes me sad. Yet it makes me happy at the same time. If she IS our only child, God has amazing things in store for our little family. If there ARE more chitlins in our future, He has amazing things in store for our litle family. So I guess I am at a perfect place for whatever God has in store....time will only tell what is going to happen in our little family's life!